help me to improve my paper about social justice

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The following word document is the draft I wrote. But my professor said i need to do better. One of the photos is the instruction of the paper. And the rest of photos are the feedback that the professor gave me about my draft. Please help me to improve my paper because I really need a high score. If you can give me a excellent work, I can give you some extra tips. Thank you very much!!!

 
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